


This Blows

by PajamaSecrets



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:12:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7035280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PajamaSecrets/pseuds/PajamaSecrets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Get on your knees,” Nick says.</p>
<p>Sonny startles. “<i>Excuse</i> me?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Blows

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my tumblr and I totally forgot it existed!

“Oh god, oh god, we are _so_ fucked,” Sonny babbles under his breath. The brick wall of the alleyway digs into his back in all the wrong places.

“Calm down, Carisi,” Nick whispers harshly.

“They already suspect that we’re cops,” Sonny says, “Which we  _are_ , by the way— what the fuck are we supposed to do?”

“Make it look like we’re not cops,” Nick says.

“Oh, gee, I hadn’t thought of that,” Sonny spits out.

“Listen,” Nick starts. “They think we’re hiding something. So we’ll show them that we _are_ hiding something.”

“What— what the fuck is that supposed to—“

Sonny shuts up upon hearing the clamoring sound of running footsteps in the distance.

“Get on your knees,” Nick says.

Sonny startles. “ _Excuse_ me?”

“Just trust me, alright?” Nick says, putting a hand on Sonny’s shoulder to guide him down.

Sonny gives up on trying to understand what the hell is going on and kneels.

It’s after Nick unzips his pants and wiggles them past his hips that the knowledge dawns on him. “Ohhh, I’m gotta pretend to—”

“Glad we’re all caught up. Now _be quiet_.” Nick hisses through his teeth.

Clamoring footsteps quickly approach the detectives. Sonny is hesitant at first but as soon as he hears the perps cursing and yelling he starts putting more effort into it.

Sonny has no idea how to make this look realistic. He goes for tilting Nick’s hips away from the entrance of the alleyway just enough to hide the fact that he doesn’t actually have a dick in his mouth, but not so much that it’s not clear what they’re (not) engaging in. He bobs his head slowly forward and back and tries not to giggle at the absurdity of it all.

The blowjob may be fake, but Sonny’s startle as the perps round the corner and shout at them is entirely authentic. Nick makes sure to hike up his pants before turning around.

“What the fuck, man?” Nick slips easily into his undercover douchebag persona. Sonny, however, is still reeling from whatever the hell just happened. He decides to try for authenticity as well and wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

One of the two men confronting them has a gun in his hand but sticks it back into his jacket at the sight of Nick and Sonny all disheveled.

“We thought you was cops,” one man says.

“Nah, they just homos,” man-with-gun remarks. “Let’s go, Kev.”

Man-with-gun and the esteemed “Kev” leave the alleyway. Nick waits a long moment before he pulls out his police radio from the inside of his jacket. “Perps are headed in your direction, Liv,” he says. “One of them has a gun, be careful.”

Sonny opens his mouth to say some witty remark but stops when he sees a noticeable bulge at the front of Nick’s pants. Sonny bursts into laughter.

“What?” Nick snaps.

“Nothing, it’s just,” Sonny scrambles to compose himself. “If you wanted the real deal, you coulda just asked.”

Nick’s face turns a deep red. He coughs. “It’s just the adrenaline,” he says in defense. “As an SVU detective, you should know that arousal does not imply—”

Sonny puts his hands up. “Okay, okay. Just sayin’.”

—

In the squad room the next day, Nick finds a sticky note on his desk.

_TONIGHT AFTER MY SHIFT_ , it reads, _IF YOU WANT THE REAL DEAL._

Nick recognizes Sonny’s messy scrawl. He takes the note and crumples it in his hand before sliding it into his pocket.

Sonny winks at him from across the room.


End file.
